2021, I had turned 50 earlier that year. It was a particularly difficult time as my elder sister had sadly passed away a year before and I was struggling with the grief. I felt a lump in my right breast after I had come back from my run and was getting undressed for a shower. It was not a pea sized lump. More like a small egg. I froze. But still didn’t want to believe it. Hormones, I thought. So I left it a week. Willing it to go. Praying it would go. It didn’t. So I went to see the GP. And they told me straight away that ‘ it didn’t look good ‘. I was in shock. I did not tell anyone. Two weeks later, I was at the hospital having scans, biopsies and being prodded and poked to within an inch of my life. Four hours later, I heard the words “Ms Etete, I’m afraid you have breast cancer.”
They would send samples off to be certain but she was pretty sure. I actually looked behind me as I wondered in a daze if perhaps there was someone else behind me they could have been talking to. I can’t remember asking anything. But I must have. Because she said ‘No, it is early and we can take the lump out and save the breast’ I got up to go home. And next thing I knew, I hear shouting… I had passed out! I have never passed out in my life! They put me to sit down. My blood pressure had apparently spiked. I do not have any blood pressure issues. Anyhoo, I got home and carried on as normal. I felt I could not tell anyone. I have two children. They were 14 and 19 at the time. My husband is disabled.
My mother is 87 with Myeloma. My sister had just died. I was the strong one. Everyone looked to me. How could I tell them this? I carried on working everyday. I told my boss though. Because I knew I would be off for a while. I was told as it was the end of the year, the surgery would be in January 2022. A lumpectomy. On the 6th of November 2021, I got a call to say the surgery was on the 9th. So I literally had a few days. And the 9th November was also the one year anniversary of my sister’s death. Of all the days! I kept having these dark thoughts… Was I going to die a year to the day after my sister? I could not tell my mum. Or my siblings. But a few of my good friends knew. My angels. They formed an army around me. The surgery went well. I looked different. I had one big boob and one small one. I called her LMWB (Little Miss Wonky Boob)!
I went away for two weeks straight from the hospital to a little cottage by the seaside. I needed to seek God’s face. I needed to ask my Father why. Two weeks later, I went in for the results. Alas. Two more lumps had been found. I had to have a mastectomy! I was devastated. The consultant who gave me the news was awful. Very blasé. He actually said, ‘we are going to cut your breast off. Sign here’! Thank God for the Macmillan nurses who literally picked me up after he had finished with me. I had the mastectomy on the 21st December 2021. I have never known pain like it! I actually thought I would die. Turns out I was only being given paracetamol for the pain but that is a whole other different conversation!! Christmas was not fun! I had drains in and was in so much pain for about ten days. Until my GP prescribed some very strong painkillers for the nerve pain. I was OK after about 6 weeks. I found it hard to look at myself. I felt incomplete. Because who has one boob?? I then changed her name to LMNB (Little Miss No Boob)! Cos you gotta laugh or you will die crying!! And I was a G Cup!!
I started Radiotherapy in the February of 2022. It went really well. I only felt fatigue. I drove myself to some of the sessions. I was offered a clinical trial so I did not have Chemotherapy. I am on Tamoxifen for five years and Zoladex for two. The effects have been devastating but I am happy to be here! On September 28th last year, I finally had my breast reconstruction surgery. They used my belly to. Make a boob and then lifted and reduced the existing boob for symmetry. It was a 9 hour operation. It was brutal. The recovery has been even more brutal. I am much better now. But still healing. The Lord has been my ultimate healer. However, my face does not recognise this body. And that’s odd. Even though it’s ‘banging’ if I do say so myself!! From the jump, I have said to myself ‘I will live’. And live I have! And am!
As much as I can when the fatigue allows. I survived and am thriving. There is that little voice that rears it’s ugly head at any little pain.. ‘has it come back’?.. It asks… But I push it to the back. I serve a God who will not fail me. I have too much to live for. There is too much enjoyment still to be had. And I need to be there for my children.. My mother.. Myself. Thank you if you have read this far!
